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My bf is 29 years older than me, Im 27. we have had a relationship over 2 years, and I love him very much. He is my first man. We lived together for half a year and have been far part for 1.5 years. I have some incredibly strong feelings for him, but bcos of the age difference, I married to someone else 5 months ago, my husband is a real nice guy, intelligent, faithful, hard working, he loves me very much and treats me very good, but I dont love him at all, paritically bcos he is not the type of guy I love, and also all my heart is still on my bf. I can get along with him well, but I dont want to have sex with him. I didnt tell my bf or my husband, I run the 2 relationships at the same time. The whole time I feel bad and guilty to them. I thought I would love my husband, but I dont. Yesterday I told my bf the whole thing, he is very upset, but in the end he forgave me, he knows I love him very much, he said he loves me 2. He said he would still want to marry me if I leave my husband.I tried to leave my bf several times, but I just couldnt do it, I dont know why the feeling is so strong, I lose sleep night after night. I didnt mean to hurt my husband or my bf, I found I am weak. When I run the 2 relationships together, I hate myself so much. I didnt know things would get so out of control, I didnt know leaving my bf and staying with my husband would make me so painful, I cried when having sex with my husband. Sometimes I wonder if things would get better if I leave my bf completely and concentrate on my husband, but I dont know if I would regret it in the future. Now I dont know which way to go, Im very painful and confused. and I dont know why my bf still want to be with me.